What our children really want from us. Part-3

Sometimes, when our children come to us in distress, we try to calm them by handing them a phone, turning on a cartoon, or sending them out to play. Perhaps they settle for a while, but that may not be what they truly need at that moment. 

More often than not, what they are seeking is us—our time, our undivided attention, our comforting presence. They long for a parent who will listen, hug them, and make them feel safe, not just distract them.

This brings to mind an important insight from the poem Childhood by Markus Natten. Sometimes, without realizing it, we live with a double standard before our children.

We tell them to always speak the truth, yet they watch us tell small lies.

We instruct them not to be angry, yet moments later, we direct our own anger toward them.

We tell them not to shout, but when we are tense or hypertensive, we raise our voices.

If we dislike someone, we may even teach them to avoid or ignore that person, and in doing so, we unknowingly sow the seeds of jealousy and retaliation in their tender hearts.

If we reflect honestly, we will see that it is we—the elders—who often need correction first. Before we attempt to shape young minds, we must shape our own actions to match the virtues we wish to pass on.

Children are not looking for perfect parents, but for truthful prototypes—living examples of honesty, kindness, and respect. When we truly live out what we teach, the world they grow into will indeed be more beautiful.

So let us make our parenting intentional and value-driven:

Teach our children to think good.
Teach them to speak good.
Teach them to do good.

Let us respect and value them, while also guiding them to respect and value others.
Let us pray for them, bless them, and stand by them in truth.

Finally, let us not deceive them with applause or praise when they have done wrong. Love corrects—it does not ignore mistakes. Rebuke them when necessary, but always with truth and love. Let us be truthful, faithful, and honest always—because parents are the first lesson their children will ever read.

With regards,
Dr. Jayaram Paul Justus
Writer | Mentor | Thinker | Educator

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